Archive | April, 2014

Love and Immigration Hardly Mix Well

13 Apr

Love and immigration most often are hard to mix like water and oil! Many people who wonder in search of greener pastures often leaving a loved one behind seldom come back to them if the motivations and promises of their journey aren’t achieved in the time and manner in which they had foreseen. The obligations of integrating in new society often lead many into vow breaking and revision of personal virtues and ethics of conduct as a means towards the end of goal achievement. Let us chew these experiences and thoughts with the illustrations below.

 With odds of reality staked against her favour along with a gang of vile suitors wooing her, for 20 years did the very loyal Queen Penelope faithfully and anxiously, with unusual confidence await the return of King Odysseus of Ithaca from the Trojan War. What did he do all through this time? He went about willingly and unwillingly crawling in and out of the thighs of goddesses and nymphs! Overcome by the very strong feelings of love he still had for his waiting queen, he turned down offers of immortality from these deities and sailed home where she accepted him without nagging. What is intriguing is that if these infidelities were done by a woman in our context, she would never be accepted yet no one dares question the ethics of Odysseus’ acts.

Society then and now tends to normalizes male philandering while sanctioning strict rules of chaste and modesty upon women. In a relationship, does separation in time and distance excuse infidelity and absolves a cheat from scorn? Is it enough to love to be able to distinguish between casual and passionate sex?

What one retains from the Iliad and the Odyssey is that King Odysseus as a man is faithful and in love with his wife, it is the quest to enforce a sexist tradition to restore Helen of Troy into a betrothal that took him away from his beloved Penelope. His wanderings in melancholy over the years were the ultimate price he had to pay for his cunning and arrogance towards the authorities of his world. Same as with Odysseus, many men and women today a trapped in wanderings partly or totally brought upon them as a consequence of the decisions they make as individuals, often forgetting that they as individuals belong to society as its members.

One who decides to leave his family, love and homeland for a foreign makes a decision which though individual creates ripples that follow them into and from the land of their destination. The latter has many realities of compliance reserved for the former to which they must comply and assume consequence thereof end up in limbo. Such are the many marriages of convenience entered into by immigrants, at the end the goal of migrating is achieved in the destination but the purpose of migrating is lost, which is the love for whom the immigrant left to make a better fortune for both towards a future reunion.

Each of us today is on an Odysseys from which we might not wait for the return or return to a loved one. Does acceptance mean forgiveness then? Whether yes or no, such stupidity of the heart, emotional patience, unconditional love, understanding without inquiry and trust is non-existent or super rare among couples today. The default rule today is to “Move On”.