Musings of a Broken Heart

23 Sep

By Nwanatifu Nwaco

A relationship in which the partners have a 100% match is bound to become routine and dull due to the lack of things they want to build on together. It is the differences between people that enable them relate to each other and keep the flames in their hearts burning to always strive to please the other. There’s more to a relationship than just love. It’s not all about being compatible in their likes and dislikes. People have been in love and still separated because they fail to discuss about what they disagree to agree about regarding  the goals, aspirations and expectations of what their relationship is all about and where it’s getting to. Every long lasting relationship has elements of mutual sacrifices individually arrived at by both partners.

 Too often we’re unwilling to give the other the chance to be who they truly are. All we need to do is accept the reality that the other is different and work on how we can live happily with them without leading them into self-denial. One should be able to give up certain characteristics if they keep coming in the way of how they relate with the other.  It’s not a crime to once in a while indulge in the boring, silly and amusing passions of each other, like cooking together or watching a game or TV series together. If you spend more time noticing the flaws in the character of your partner, than you do over the beautiful things that make them the amazing and all exceptional person they are or can be, then you will always downgrade them as underachieving, no matter how hard they invest effort and patience to live up to you.

We often are so engulfed in a cloak of pride and self righteousness that we hurt our partner sometimes involuntary without stopping to think if we could handle the same weight of hurt being directed at them with the same vigor we serve it. Do we accept reproach for our errors? Do we criticize others the same way we will tolerate them criticize us? How often do we apologize for the pain we cause to others or that which they suffer on our behalf? It’s unhealthy for the growth of your relationship if you are always the victim and the guilty party making an apology or being apologized to. You have to give what you want to receive, that includes care, love and respect.

Emotional and material security is what gives future to a relationship, if your partner knows they can rely and confide in you when they’re going through a difficult phase that feeling will be reciprocated. It is a source of encouragement to keep going, knowing that it’s the two of you against the world, even when both of you are wrong and the whole world is right, you’ll find delight standing up for yourselves-that’s why young lovers often elope when their relationship is being disapproved. 

Even before marriage is ever proposed, it’s already occurred in the heart and the rest is but a mere social formality. With the exception of nuptial anniversaries, special confessions like that hardly come twice from the same person to the other person when turned down initially. Hence, all couples need to take time off their work and worldly pursuits to cuddle and rejoice in the intimacy of each other. Withholding or denying the urge to bond with your partner is a seed for infidelity or bad romance that turns both of you off into strange-bed fellows. Love making must not be explicitly used as a bargaining weapon to force compliance. If you know kissing the forehead of your partner makes them calm, reach out for it before and after a dispute and why not even mid-way in a heated debate!! The key to an open, sincere and forward moving relationship is communication and trust. Never forget to remind or tell your partner that you love them or you miss them.

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